In January, Kenny and I attended a short, partial-day retreat on planning and dreaming as a couple. The worship leader at our church and his wife hosted and led the event. It was a small group; only 5 of us, which was perfect for working through exercises together. I’ve mentioned before that the Tedders not only lead worship at our church, but they travel the globe training and encouraging other worship leaders. They are busy folks with a crazy schedule. They are often asked how they make it all work, so they decided to share their system.
The biggest thing Kenny and I walked away with was how important this is to do as a couple. We both plan fairly well, and of course we talk through major events and calendar items regularly, but we have never sat down together to talk through a whole year at a time. Let alone sat down to dream together. That part of the exercise was actually a little difficult for us. We were dreamers back in the day when we were newlyweds, talking about what kind of life we wanted to make together. But twelve years later, we are going through the motions, just keeping up with life. Dreaming isn’t on our radar anymore, but maybe it should be. It got us talking about the things in the back of our minds that we’d love to do. Things we don’t talk about because it just doesn’t seem like a possibility right now. But talking about it together is the first step. Getting it down on paper is the next. Looking at the calendar and setting reasonable goals is the next step. Anything is doable if you give it a name and get it out in the open. Kenny and I both learned some things about what the other would like to do – secret goals we hadn’t shared with each other before. It was great!
Their process is fairly simple and uses huge post-its, which I love. On windows or a large wall, put up a post-it for each area of your life. Family, Kids, Finance, Young Life, Soul Care, Friends, Health, House Up-Keep, Personal Growth, Creative, Service. Whatever you choose – make a large post-it for it. Next, spend some time dreaming about each area. Before you get bogged down with everything you know you need to do in each category, write something you want to do but feels out of reach. This is where you begin to really see God work. What feels totally impossible one year, might become a reality after praying about it and asking God about it.
The next step is to look more specifically at each category. Ask yourself the following questions and make sub-categories. 1. Who needs me in this category? 2. Where do I need to be within this category? Physically? Emotionally? 3. What do I need to be doing to accomplish this? Don’t figure out the ‘how’ yet – just make specific sub-categories. For example, here’s one category of ours with the sub-categories:
CREATIVE
Learn to play Harmonica (Kenny)
Play piano more (Jessica)
Next, you figure out the how; the resources needed. The time, energy, space, or money needed to meet the goal. To accomplish “Play piano more” I need to have a plan. Under that sub-category I have a smaller post-it that lists the steps: 30 minutes a week – two 15 min.sessions. Next I head to my calendar and add it to my week. The last step after entering everything into your calendar is to share it on all your devices between you and your spouse so everyone’s on the same page.
Their system isn’t rocket-science, but it’s thorough and it works. Because it’s so visual – you see everything at once – it seems to work better than talking one month at a time. I finally have all of our post-its and full 2017 calendar on our bedroom wall so we can finish this project. Having that one day in January to get this started was wonderful, but we really needed more days. Our time alone to finish this is evenings, and honestly, by the time the kids are in bed, our energy level is waning. But, by keeping it up, it keeps us talking about it, adding to our lists, and praying about the items there.
I realize not everyone plans like this or enjoys thinking about this topic. But for those that do, what is your planning like? If you are married, do you do any planning or dreaming together? Do you have a particular system? I’d love to hear your ideas.