In February, Kenny took the kids skiing one Saturday and I spent the.entire.day.alone. It was glorious for this introvert. Below I’m sharing what I wrote in my journal that day because it was significant for me in dealing with worry and overcoming it with trust. My hope is to encourage anyone who is feeling worried, lost, or broken. Seek God and He WILL be faithful to answer you.
“Today Kenny and the kids went skiing in Loveland and I am HOME ALONE for the whole day. I’m so excited. Of course, I’m missing them and at times wish I would have gone, but this mama needs some alone time.
This past week I’ve dabbled in worry over this day. Worry for their safety. What if something happens and I’m not there? What if someone gets hurt? What if they have a car accident? I want to be with them if anything were to happen. But, I gently heard God say, ‘Let them go – you need this day.’
So, I began the hard work of choosing trust over worry. Every day I picked up my sword and fought for truth. The enemy loves to make me worry, but my God is bigger and He gave me the strength to replace doubt and worry with trust and peace. Instead of the ‘what if’s’, I began to pray. Days ahead of time – for their safety and protection, the weather, the friend, Al, who’s going to help teach the kids to ski, for the van, for James’ runny nose, for everyone’s patience, and that Kenny, James, and Anna would build wonderful new memories together.
After they left this morning I started breakfast. Instead of scrolling Facebook I decided to listen to the Daily Audio Bible. I knew I needed direction from God today – I still didn’t know exactly what I would do. I’d been praying through the week for God’s guidance and this was a good place to start – right in His Word.
The passage read in the Old Testament was from Exodus where Moses is on Mount Sinai hearing from God. God’s giving him instructions about how the Israelites should live. While he’s away, Aaron the the people fashion the golden calf idol and Moses is astonished when he returns. He goes back to God asking for their forgiveness, and God reveals that He will not be going with them as they depart from camp. He is angry about their stubbornness. Moses pleads with God, asking Him to accompany them. Saying that what sets them apart from all the other people on earth is that God is WITH them, in their presence. And because of Moses’ trust in God, God agrees, and in 33:14 God says, ‘My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.’
I immediately felt God saying this directly to me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I heard Him say again – ‘Trust me – I am going with them.’ Oh Lord, I praise you for speaking to my heart today. I thank you for the forethought to hear your Word first thing this morning. Thank you for going before my family today.
As I leisurely finished breakfast and cleaned up, I was still listening to the DAB show, and at the end after scripture, the guy Brian, who reads, had his wife come on promoting a weekend away for women that they hold every year – MORE 2017. She was asking women to come away for 4 days to meet with Jesus, to hear from Him, to find direction, and to have a changed heart. She was giving women permission to do this for themselves – explaining the importance of time away.
And again, I heard God speak straight to me through this woman – ‘What you need today is Me. Only Me.’ Suddenly I knew my plan for the day – I needed to sit with Jesus. I needed to fill myself up so I could pour out again when the family returned. I needed to be in His Word and I needed time to worship. I would work on several studies I’m in the middle of – things that would guide me in digging into the bible. I would fill the house with music – listening to worship music, singing along, playing the piano.
Father God, I thank you for your wisdom today – your guidance and your assurance. Thank you for nudging my heart with your Holy Spirit. Thank you for giving me the space today to hear from you. May you be glorified in me today.”
I did those things that day – spent time in God’s Word and had music going much of the day. I still took a nap, still watched some TV, still read my fiction book, etc. But a chunk of the day was focused time with Jesus and it was so sweet. The family returned home; James and Anna had wonderful stories of their day and how they’re learning to ski.
My journal is a private matter – I have many, many books I’ve filled over the years – all the way back to Jr. High. It is a place I go often and when I do I usually end up filling pages at a time. I don’t typically share what’s written there, but since February I’ve felt that this entry needed to be shared. Not to say ‘Look at me’, but to hopefully encourage another’s heart. I often fall into the trap of worry and feeling defeated, but every time I seek God instead, He is ALWAYS faithful to be there, to hear me, and to answer and to encourage my heart. No, I didn’t hear God speak audibly to me, but His Spirit He’s placed in each one of us that know Him, nudges us. If you’re seeking God and asking for direction, be confident that the ideas coming to mind and the feelings you have about an issue are from Him! Trust that and move ahead!
I hope that in whatever you’re currently facing, you can run to our Father who loves you, and ask Him for guidance for the next step. May God bless our efforts to seek Him.
Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV) – “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or dink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”